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“All human life has its seasons, and no one’s personal chaos can be permanent: winter, after all does not last forever does it? There is summer, too, and spring, and though sometimes when branches stay dark and the earth cracks with ice, one thinks they will never come, that spring, that summer, but they do, and always." T.Capote |
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| Robin
7-28-99
Her name was Robin. She was 29 years old. She was a mortician’s assistant in a Mira Mesa Cemetery. A lot of people thought her strange for working there, but she didn’t care, she loved what she did. She was helping people when they needed her most, she felt wanted. She was married to a man who didn’t love her, he got another woman pregnant, they were divorcing.
She was working through her wounds of the break-up. She was living a somewhat careful life, she had work, she was dating again and she had her music. She loved listening to her music loudly in her car, it made her feel free. She had some friends but no one close to her except for her mom. Her and her mom had been through some rough times and it made them close. She talked to her mom about everything, she would be lost without her.
She was young and attractive and she was starting a new life perhaps this time she would get it right. On October 14, 1993 her world ended. The incident that happened took minutes but for her it lasted for hours. She was confused about what happened. When it was happening and only when it was over did she understand. 5 people died that day, 2 of those she witnessed. The man she tried to save she will always feel connected to him. She felt the last beat of his heart had he seen her while he was looking down on his way to heaven. She hoped so. She left the scene quickly, she had to get away, she became numb.
The numbness continued for 6 years, all memories were wiped away for a while. She went on with her life. People called her a hero, she thought not. Even though she didn’t feel it, it consumed her. She tried to work but she couldn’t, she found herself breaking down there. She didn’t know what was wrong with her only that she couldn’t concentrate and her mind was filled with many things. She lost her job that was dear to her, but she had met a man who truly knew how to love her and he accepts her as she is. When she looks in the mirror she doesn’t see herself, she sees a stranger. She is now beginning to see the error of her ways. She wants to change but she is afraid. She has built this comfortable shell which she is uneasy about breaking. She worked so hard to push everyone away. She is scared to return. She wishes she could be careful again but she is always on alert for danger.
Somewhere I have lost her, she is buried deep within. I know some day I will emerge again victorious and it begins by coming here and sharing myself with you as you have with me. It will be an experience I will carry with me always. Thank you for accepting me and allowing me to share this with you.
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